Certified Leadership Coach

Get Out of your Own Way…. Unapologetically

Success is not a Secret, it’s a Mindset

All you have to do is believe in yourself. Yup, that’s it. Or at least, that’s where it all begins If it’s so easy to say, then why is it so damn hard?

Recognizing and believing in your full potential is not easy. First, we tend to be hypercritical and only focus on our “flaws,” not in a productive way, but in a just plain mean fashion. Second, we don’t lean into our strengths or even recognize them for all they’re worth.

So, believing in your full potential is hard, like “America Ninja Warrior” hard. First, you’re going through the obstacle course, barely making it through, always one slip away from failure. Then, you see your inner critic leading the way, grinning back at you, snickering. Telling you are the reasons why you won’t make it.

Playing small, doing what works for you now, is safe and more manageable. The only problem is your heart, and your brain is not in sync. You don’t have a chance to come alive in your work ( not entirely), and you have a feeling, one that you keep hidden. A feeling that tells you that you can be more and further, you believe you can, but you don’t know for sure because you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to try.

If any of these resonate with you or someone you know, keep reading.

Be on the lookout for these 3 Mindset Villains.

You can’t believe what you can’t see.

Is this you? You’re always downplaying your gifts because you’re worried about what others will think. You don’t want to come across as boastful, full of yourself, or attention seeking. You dim your light to be “polite”, but the side effect is that you never get to see your brightest light. 

For you – How does this action help you? It’s hard to get promoted if leaders never see what you’re capable of doing. It’s even harder to stand out in the market if you always have your head down working hard. In the end, if you don’t let yourself see your gift, you won’t believe you have it. The heart believes, what the mind sees.

For the others – Consider this instead. Think about something you can do exceptionally well. It’s easy for you, and maybe you don’t fully understand why it’s easy for you and not others, but regardless you love it, and you’re willing to help when asked. Other people don’t seem to get it the way you do. 

Now, what if you thought of that as a gift, and those of us who don’t have your gift, desperately need it to make our lives easier? Wouldn’t you share it if you thought it could help someone? If you knew someone was desperate for it?

Here’s the thing, we can’t see your gift if you’re always hiding and downplaying it! The part to solve is the why. Why do hide your gift? Or why don’t you see your gift as a gift? Solve that! Because people need what you have.

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

― Pablo Picasso

We don’t have a safe place to spread our wings.

Having psychological safety gives you the courage to try. When you work with someone who has your back and believes in you, is proud to work with you, is engaged in helping you, and is judgement-free no matter how you stumble, you feel safe enough to open up and try.

Picture this, your light is locked in a safe, and while it’s in there, we go through a range of emotions. We go from suppression to hope, to anxious excitement, to action and Boom! the safe flies open and your light (also known as your gift) is free to shine and flourish. Oh, it’s exhilarating!! As a coach, this is my favorite stage to experience with someone.

When you feel safe, self-doubt subsides. Your mission is to find a way to feel safe and take action toward the best version of yourself while reaching your full potential.

“Self-Doubt Kills more Dreams than Failure ever Will” Check out this article by L.K Monu Borkala for Tips on beating self-doubt. Negative Effects of Doubt | Research Backed (collegemarker.com)

Because “it” didn’t work before, you give up before you start.

I love to stand up against this thought. People, circumstances and situations change all the time, and I have seen even the smallest changes in these areas open up the door for opportunity. But when that door opens, you need to be ready to walk through and say hello!

I wish it were that easy for everyone all the time, but in this section, our limiting beliefs can be a real bitch. Traditionally, in the business world, the focus is on the result. You are expected to know the task and get it done. I’m sure it comes across much more pleasant than that but that’s the size of it in a nutshell. However, if you have a great partner, boss, mentor or coach, and you have psychological safety, this is an excellent time to find the courage to dig deep. 

Addressing limiting beliefs will not only improve your work performance, but it will also lighten the load you’ve been carrying. It will shift momentum towards the positive, which means confidence, stretching, growing, and finding resilience through setbacks. You’ll be creating a self-made renewable source of energy that will feel like the wind on your back!

Addressing and conquering limiting beliefs will change your life. Period.

Getting started is the hardest part. Usually, at this point in the conversation, when I’m working with someone, we review the behavior triangle.

Behavior Loop

The idea behind the behavior triangle is that our experiences form our beliefs, our belief determines our actions, then our actions create our results. The results feed our experiences, rinse and repeat for every facet of our lives. 

Notice anything? It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy!! All you must do is break the cycle. Act different, get different.

Suppose that feels a bit ick for you, like you can’t believe it. Ask yourself, how would I think, feel, and act if I thought the outcome would be different? Get feedback from people you trust. Put effort into a strategy, get behind that effort with all your heart and go for it again.

I prefer to view the behavior triangle in circle form because in real life, it’s a continuous loop and this loop can be empowering or discouraging. The biggest opponent we face is ourselves. The crumby thing is that we always tend to remember the discouraging memories over the positive ones. Getting burned seems to happen instantly, whereas progress seems to take its sweet ol’ time. That’s a perception play. All results are earned, whether you mean to or not.

As you reflect on the parts of the story that are true for you, the question that remains is, what is one thing you can do today to lean into the person you were meant to be?

Go for it, I believe you can.

Michelle Nicole Martin